There’s an unspoken script in most work environments and it centers men. From who speaks first in meetings to who gets praised for “leadership qualities,” the professional world was built on a model that benefits masculine traits and sidelines those not in that avenue.
I have actively been studying decentering men in all areas of my life for a few years. I would not equate this with feminism in any way. What I would call it is a complete rewiring of the programming we have all been handed. It is wild how deep it goes. Even when I think I have it sorted I can see myself viewing things through a lens of the masculine programming I was steeped in.
Not only is what we were handed toxic for us it is also toxic for men as well. Elevating them in a way they are quite literally kept from being their authentic selves. For those that are new to this concept it can bring up a variety of responses from defensiveness to injustice. I would remind you these emotions are simply a mirror for you to look at yourself more fully with.
1. The Invisible Default: When Men Are the Baseline
In most companies, being male is the unspoken norm. Leadership styles are modeled after command-and-control. Assertiveness is applauded in men, questioned in women. Empathy is framed as “nice to have,” not a strategic asset. And when men dominate the conversation, it’s seen as natural. When anyone else tries? It’s called “aggressive,” “emotional,” or “too much.”
Decentering men at work begins with recognizing these patterns, not to shame, but to shift.
There has been a natural evolution towards this in many arenas. There are also some industries and environments that will resist.
At the founder level the majority of companies are male led and by default male centered. The concept of decentering in the workplace has many nuances and great potential to be an evolution that is filled with honor for the variety of ways an organization can grow and reach goals.
2. Masculinity as Efficiency: The Culture That Rewards Burnout
Urgency culture. Hustle culture. The need to always be “on.” These are workplace values often rooted in masculine performance. Being productive is prized over being human. But when workplaces only value speed, domination, and relentless output, they ignore the quiet power of reflection, collaboration, and sustainable pacing, all strengths often brought by women or better said by anyone who views the old paradigm as expired and dare to try something new.
Decentering men at work means challenging the myth that fast is always better, and that only one mode of working is valid. There are so many ways to the same destination and opening up to what that looks like is key to shifting out of old paradigms and beliefs.
3. Leadership Isn’t Loud: Dismantling the Old Blueprint
The best leaders aren’t the loudest in the room. They’re the ones who listen, who notice, who build trust. Leadership that centers emotional intelligence, empathy, and mutual respect isn’t soft, it’s strategic. Decentering men at work means redefining what power looks like. It’s not about removing men. It’s about removing the assumption that there’s only one right way to lead.
This work isn’t only about women this is a collective work that requires emotional intelligence and mental flexibility. These two traits are the currency of the future in any arena.
I love men, I raised four amazing men that actually got me started on what a healthy view of the masculine arena looks like. Reprogamming ourselves to a more fluid gender programming is the key to decentering men.
Hear me: we all carry masculine and feminine in our experiences. If we can remove some of this need for one to be better and embrace whichever part of our programming has been repressed we will be better off. Truth is the majority of us regardless of our sex have had a feminine attributes repressed. If we can bring those forward we can be more balanced in our approach.
I would go so far to say that decentering truly is un-brainwashing ourselves to see we are both and can be both and both have value in every single arena we are in.
4. What Decentering Men Actually Looks Like
It’s not theoretical. It’s practical. Here’s what it actually looks like day-to-day:
- Creating space for emotional intelligence as a leadership skill, not a liability
- Making room for nonlinear paths to success, letting go of “the way it’s always been done”
- Turning down roles or requests that default to women or caretakers (note-taking, morale-boosting, cleaning up office messes, literal or emotional)
- Naming where credit is due in real time and ensuring credit isn’t hijacked in meetings
- Designing team roles, job descriptions, and reviews that reward collaboration, intuition, and relationship-building
- Checking in with your own assumptions when you think someone is being “too sensitive” or “not assertive enough”
- Letting silence, spaciousness, and reflection be just as valued as speed and output
- Choosing language that doesn’t default to male-centered metaphors or hierarchy
- Removing the male lens from every thought, convo, and idea
In short, decentering men at work is about updating the system to honor a fuller range of humanity, not just the part that gets the loudest applause.
5. Everyone Gains When We Share the Mic
This isn’t about shaming men, it’s about evolving work for everyone. When we decenter men, we open the door for everyone to lead in a powerful way. To not have to perform stoicism. To ask for help. Everyone benefits when the workplace stops being a performance of toughness and becomes a space for growth, evolution and honor.
Examples of Male Centered Work Expereinces
I thought it might help if I gave you an example of what male centered programming looks like:
If you’ve ever felt the need to apologize before speaking up, worried about being ‘too much’ in a meeting, or downplayed a bold idea to seem more agreeable, congrats, you’ve met the inner voice trained by male-centered programming. It’s that whisper that says, ‘Don’t rock the boat,’ even when your insight could steer the whole ship.
How about this one….Ever hesitated to negotiate your salary because you didn’t want to come off as ‘difficult’ or ‘ungrateful’? That’s male-centered programming at play. It teaches women that confidence in men is assertiveness, but in women, it’s audacity. So we shrink, smile, and accept less, just to seem easy to work with.
If you have ever had a discussion about a co-worker’s clothing it was 9/10 about a woman’s clothing not a man’s. This would be where decentering starts to control those not in the line they want them.
The ironic part of this entire process is that a good majority of women are enforcing the male centered view because they are simply so steeped in their own toxic male lens they don’t see their own unique feminine qualities. Or worse they view them as a weakness.
How Women Can Do the Work of Decentering:
- Examine internalized bias. Notice when you expect men to lead, speak, or validate ideas before you believe them yourself.
- Unlearn the ‘good girl’ narrative. Practice asking for what you need—clearly, directly, unapologetically.
- Say no to default emotional labor. You don’t have to organize the birthday cards or mentor every new hire unless you want to.
- Take up space. In meetings, on teams, in leadership—own your ideas and speak them with authority.
- Support other women publicly. Repost their wins. Back their ideas. Say their names in rooms they’re not in. Buy their products and services.
Challenge hierarchy when needed. Ask: “Why is this process/leader/voice always the default?” Then offer a new possibility.
How Men Can Support Decentering Workplaces:
- Listen without defensiveness. When someone points out bias or imbalance, resist the urge to explain it away. Ask, “What can I do differently?, What is my part in this? How can I be more inclusive in my role?”
- Amplify underrepresented voices. If you notice a woman being interrupted or ignored, pause the room and redirect attention back to her. This is an ultimate power play that garners instant respect.
- Share the spotlight. If you’re given credit for something that was a team effort (or not your idea), call it out. Publicly.
- Decline the default leadership role. If you’re always assumed to lead, offer to step aside or co-lead with someone who brings a different perspective.
- Model emotional intelligence. Talk about burnout, fear, mistakes. Show vulnerability. You’ll give others permission to do the same.
Challenge locker-room culture. Don’t let “jokes” or dismissive language slide in meetings or behind closed doors. Boys are only boys when allowed to be. That needs to end.
Final Thoughts
Decentering Is a Daily Practice, Not a One-Time Fix This work is ongoing. It requires curiosity, compassion, and courage. It means choosing to lead with intention instead of inertia.
We each hold the power to shift culture by how we show up, how we speak up, and how we share power. Decentering men at work isn’t about erasure. It’s about expansion. It’s the brave, necessary work of honoring the full spectrum of human capacity.